Here’s a brain hack that will help your ADHD child stop fearing failure.
ADHD and fear of failure are closely connected. As a parent, it’s hard to watch your child crumble at every misstep.
What if we gave our kids a high five every time they failed? I recently heard Sara Blakely, the founder, and CEO of SPANX, who became the youngest self-made female billionaire at age 41, share that when she was a kid, her dad would ask her and her siblings how they failed each day. Once each child shared their failures, her dad would high-five each of them. Sarah grew up not afraid to fail, and I know that this played a massive role in making her a billionaire.
Children With ADHD and Overreaction to Failure
Children with ADHD tend to overreact to failure, and their biology may cause them to experience good and bad emotions more intensely. According to research, almost 100% of people with ADHD experience rejection sensitivity, making failing “feel” more painful than kids without ADHD.
ADHD and RSD Connection
Some children are even diagnosed with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), which is extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected or criticized by important people in their lives.
ADHD and Emotional Intensity
People with ADHD cope with this emotional intensity in two main ways, which are not mutually exclusive. First, they become people-pleasers, or they stop trying. ADHD and fear of failure is real. These bright, capable people avoid any anxiety-provoking activities and end up giving up on the joys of life, something that can be highly frustrating for parents to watch.
How to Help Your Child Overcome Fear of Failure
So how do parents stop the cycle and help their kids not fear failure? By celebrating failures instead of just success, Sara Blakely’s dad taught her the same way. When you reframe the brain’s interpretation of failure, it no longer reacts to a threat.
The Brain: Excitement and Fear
Did you know that your brain does not know the difference between excitement and fear until we tell it? It’s true; research suggests that fear activates the hypothalamus in the same way as excitement, and when it’s predictable, it activates the brain’s reward center as well.
Helping Your ADHD Child Grow Past Fear of Failure
ADHD and fear of failure is a real connection: but it isn’t impossible to grow past.
Here is your challenge for the week. Ask your ADHD child about their failures each day. Teach them how to fail fast and learn from their failures even quicker. As parents, we need to remember to look beyond the pain to the payoff. The payoff of grit will be one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. That mental toughness will keep them going when times get tough.
Sometimes, more help is needed, and that’s okay too. The Cognitive Emporium exists to help parents and children alike grow beyond their diagnosis or challenges. When it comes to ADHD, we have ample resources here on the blog, or you can contact Kyra directly for a FREE evaluation.